At the worldwide premiere of the Odyssey in London, as the enthusiastic applause rang out in the theatre and Nikki made her now-infamous comment to Zendaya…
‘I didn’t know that Tom had such a big part’,
I realise now that many lucky attendees at this first public screening had scarpered already, desperate to record their reaction videos and get them uploaded.
This is how the ‘influencers’ live and die. Be the first and/or the most controversial and hope to go viral.
Obviously, with my inside track, I could make videos to trump all others, but Tom would not thank me, and I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise our relationship.
But then this video hit my feed.
Mr Damon hoped I would see it, and on this he needn’t have worried. There was no chance of my missing it, not because I am an avid Odyssey or even Tom Holland watcher, but because my phone exploded with gleeful messages from my friends and even family members, keen for me to watch it.
The clip starts off so well when the much-admired movie star Matt Damon says that he would be proud to have a son like Tom.
Aww…
But then it went awry, with Tom taking up the theme. He likes the idea of having a dad like Matt because ‘you’re way cooler than my dad.’
Ouch.
Matt Damon laughed hard, and so did I.
I get it.
I am not cool and never have been, and as for comparing myself to the guy who plays Jason Bourne…
There is not a man alive who doesn’t want to be Jason Bourne.
The only similarity between Bourne and me is our shit memories.
That scene in the freezing cold German park in The Bourne Identity. When Bourne is woken by two cops who demand to see his papers, he promptly kicks the living shit out of them both.
Boom.
This is what men daydream about.
Of course, Jason Bourne and now Odysseus are cooler than I am.
I would have enjoyed meeting Matt Damon after the London premiere of the Odyssey, but I had other matters to attend to. I had to get home to the three dogs in our care, two of whom happen to belong to Telemachus and Athena, to use their current stage names.
But if Matt sees this Substack, I can assure him that I am not upset, and I do not feel threatened.
I have spoken to Tom a few times since this video aired, but he has not mentioned it, perhaps in the hope that I have missed it?
I will see him in the flesh next weekend at the LA premiere of another little film in which he makes an appearance, and this time with a more significant role.
But I will not bring it up.
It might be A Brand-New Day, but I will remain The Same Old Dad – beguiled by his life that none of us ever imagined and just happy to be inside the ropes and enjoying the ride.
Next weekend will probably be even bigger than the last. It will be madness with fans screaming and poring at him.
And I will try to take it all in my stride, even though I took a shot at Hollywood myself and, like most wannabes, I missed badly.
Playing it ‘cool’ then, as best I can…
For a man who does not do cool.
Bring it on.
Eclipsed is the story of how Tom Holland became that Tom Holland and how his old man floundered but remains upbeat and ever hopeful.
Audiobook and Print available here.
