Lessons in Life...

Looking backwards and forwards with fondness

It is generally accepted that the first 7 years of a child’s life are the most important. A crucial period when a child establishes a template for their life ahead. Characteristics are set, and personality traits, both positive and negative, emerge, all depending on myriad factors: love, discipline, economics, boundaries, siblings, family, environment…

But my most formative years felt like they were from puberty to adulthood, and these dates vary considerably from person to person.

I was late with both these milestones, which led to traumatic post-PE shower times at school and poor results in my all-important public examinations, so my options for Higher Education were not broad.

At Leeds University, studying textiles for three years (don’t ask), I was exposed to boys from public schools for the first time, and my insecurities mounted. These well-heeled types were so assured and confident. They talked differently. They were rugby, not football and big. They were all so flipping big.

I was small, odd-looking, and with a gnawing sense that I might be stupid. My only obvious asset was being able to make people laugh, but would this be enough to forge a path?

This all brings me to a young man I know, Romano Wang, who, at 19, has none of the concerns that plagued me at his age.

His parents are friends of ours. His mum is Italian, and his dad is Chinese. A modern-day union of a world becoming ever smaller and more varied by the aeroplane and people’s innate desire to upend and head to where life opportunities are better.

Romano is also the big winner in the gene lottery, which plays the most significant role in our personal characteristics and life chances.

Romano is a Sino-Latin mix that dreams are made of.

His dad is tiny – smaller than me – and yet Romano is just shy of the hallowed 6-foot mark, the minimum threshold for many of the dating apps. He has his mum’s good looks. He speaks three languages and has the physique of an Olympic diver…

Because if everything goes to plan, he will become an Olympic diver at the 2028 LA Games.

And not just diving…

But High Diving, no less.

The sexiest dive in a sport that is inherently sexy.

The 10-metre platform, which we have all peered down from, but from which few of us have ever taken the plunge, preferring the much slower and more humiliating stairs to descend.

Oh, and he is also a lovely kid. Polite, self-effacing with an easy laugh and manner. His options are vast.

Model, actor, stuntman (like his dad)… or entrepreneur as commerce and wealth migrate east to the largest single market on earth.

His perspective on life and prospects is completely different to how I felt at his age. And yet he won’t be able to enjoy this assurance, because, firstly, everything is relative, and such self-awareness depends on wisdom which is not available to the young.

Whomever we are, we are all plagued by the same doubts.

‘What if I don’t make the team and fail to become an Olympian?’

‘Or I do become an Olympian, but I fare badly.’

On this theme, of course, I am aware that this also applies to my eldest son.

At 19, he was cast as you-know-who, and with this has come great opportunity, and great responsibility.

That was ten years ago. He is already 30, which is a good milestone to take stock, especially on the advent of his fourth PP excursion.

He might not have the same concerns as his contemporaries. He doesn’t have financial worries, for example, and yet he will fret and agonise along with everyone else.

But back to me for a moment…

As things turned out, my ‘funny’ has been sufficient to eke out a career which remains ongoing (by the way), but my great fortune was meeting Nikki at university. Of the available suitors, she had options and yet took a punt on the little funny bloke.

This was great bravery or great foresight.

But there is no doubt that my greatest success in life has been in fatherhood. As a young married couple, we were fortunate to agree on all the major aspects of raising children without even discussing them.

When Tom has a movie to promote, he conducts hundreds of interviews, literally, and is told by almost everyone he meets how talented and wonderful he is. This must be flattering and wonderful to hear, but I think it could be corrupting if he starts to believe it. Tom’s real fortune is not in his bank account but in his family, where he grew up. His immediate family with his three younger brothers, and his extended family with cousins, uncles, aunties, grandparents and various dogs, all vying for attention and making concessions to one another.

Tom is most blessed because he recognises this. He understands how his family has had such a bearing on what he is able to do now and accomplish. And this is why I am confident that his greatest achievements are ahead of him when he becomes a dad. A less high-profile job than his current day job, but far more worthy, important and rewarding.