Minding our Language

I understand that language evolves, and so new words will always appear and gain traction.

‘Woke’ is an example, although its definition is variable and always contentious. My impression of people who are ‘woke’ is that they are frequently angry, and I fret that this is an exhausting way to live.

English is probably still the primary language on Earth. If aliens do eventually arrive here, then ‘Hello, please don’t hurt us’ will probably be the first words that they hear.

And so, being able to speak fluent English (as I do) is a prized skill, and why it irks me when it is deliberately spoken incorrectly.

How did your English exam go?

Yeah man, done good.

Er… No, I don’t think you did.

But as well as da ‘yoof’ who deliberately misspeak and emanate vibes of being unemployable, there is a growing contingent of educated grown-ups who choose not to speak properly either.

This I will demonstrate with the short but highly versatile word “well”.

Are you well?

Well, that depends…

I am well able.

I welled up.

I will fetch some water from the well.

Well?

Well done.

Medium rare or well done?

Well, well, well

So many uses, and yet some people are still not satisfied. A bunch of quasi-professionals have decided that we need…

Wellness.

Why do we need ‘wellness’ when ‘well’ is sufficient.

‘Are you well?’

‘Yes, I am well, thank you.’

If anyone ever enquired of me – ‘how is your wellness?’ – I would not answer and probably never speak to them again.

Wellness is a confection. A word conjured up by social scientists (not real scientists like chemists and physicists) working in the personal development ‘space’.

These are the Life Coaches.

The greatest grifters of them all. A new ‘profession’ that require a new word in the hope it will imbue some authority. In contrast, it reveals their chronic insecurity and why such people should never be consulted for help on anything as broad as life.

So why then has wellness become a thing?

Well…

I imagine, it is a word that covers so much ground.

The social ‘scientists’ reason that Wellness is broad and encompassing: a clinical and holistic audit of our social, physical, and mental needs and dispositions.

Wellness is a complete sense of being and feeling well.

Er… like healthy?

Or even, happy?

Or how about well-being?

But this misses the point because, like so many modern phenomena, what really lies behind ‘wellness’ is money.

Wellness is a multi-billion-dollar industry. A faux science which has captured modern culture.

A cursory search on Amazon books provides the following zingers…

The Wellness Revelation,

Wellness by Design,

The Wellness Remodel,

Complete Wellness,

Wellness Coaching…

And the yet-to-be-published because I haven’t written it yet…

Wellness is Bullshit

And lest we forget our beloved pets and their wellness…

Energy Wellness for your Pet…

A Complete Guide to Animal Wellness with CBD…

Checking into a hotel recently, I was informed of the Wellness Centre’s opening hours, and I sighed. If my room is clean, then all will be well.

Wellness is largely common sense dressed up as science and sold by dubious practitioners. A glut of doctors who are not actual doctors.

Specialists in soft academic sciences, preying on everyone’s pursuit of happiness.

In contrast to my fluent literacy, my numeracy skills are low.

I am more comfortable with a fitted sheet than a balance sheet.

I have only a basic grasp of numbers. Just enough to get by and know that 110% is not a thing. I understand that anything more than 100% is impossible, but it doesn’t worry me to hear a sports star use it, because it doesn’t harm anyone.

Unlike ‘wellness’ and it’s new cousin, ‘mindfulness’.

The few who are helped and even cured, I suggest, are dwarfed by the masses who waste their money and are exhausted by the false hope and the disappointment that follows.

The real winners of in this game are the authors, practitioners and publishers.

Writers of the same books with just different titles and jackets. Authors who churn out a book every year not to be read but to pepper their website and get them on the corporate lecture circuit, sharing such pearls as…

Believe in yourself. Think positively. There is nothing that you can’t achieve. Never give up. Your mistakes are your lessons. Imagine, and you shall receive. Set goals. You can be whatever you want to be. It is never too late for anything…

And in this internet age, increasingly shopping and working from home, people are more isolated and vulnerable to professionals who are quick to diagnose and handily have a cure also…

This trend is not good.

It is bad.

Or maybe, even, badness?

The pursuit of happiness is normal, and it is sad that it seems so elusive. In this age of indoor toilets, hot and cold running water, fridges, washing machines… it is reasonable to conclude that happiness is not a factor of our stuff.

Happiness is a skill like anything else, and like every skill it requires effort and can be improved with practise.

But this practise is not buying a book by a grifter.

Get outside. Go for a walk. Speak to people. Go to work. Dance. Join a sports team, a drama club, or a knitting team. Join a choir. Do amateur dramatics. Volunteer your time and skills. Do a jigsaw. Play chess. Read and write. Support your local shops and café. Do anything that doesn’t involve using thumbs. Go to your church or temple…

This is where wellness is created, and it’s free.